Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work

ESCAPEE  Definition: A fart that slips out while peeing or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not […]

Performance Reviews

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations in a large US Corporation.
(1) “Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom…..and has started to dig.”

(2) “His men would follow him anywhere…but only out of morbid curiosity.”
(3) “I would not allow this employee to breed.”
(4) “This employee is really not so […]

14 Reasons To Allow Drinking At Work

1. It’s an incentive to show up.
2. It reduces stress

3. It leads to more honest communications.
4. It reduces complaints about low pay.
5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
7. It helps save on heating costs in the […]

What Things On Your Resume Really Mean

I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS: I’m usually on Prozac. When I’m not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.
I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION & ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS: I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.
I’M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF […]

Inspirational Messages Not Heard At Work

17. There is no “I” in “teamwork.” But there is in “management kiss-up.”
16. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.
15. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
14. Doing a job RIGHT the first time […]

Pickle Slicer

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day and confessed to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.  He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.  His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist […]

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