Top Ten Acronyms Least Used In Personal Ads
10. JRLA — Janet Reno Look-Alike
9. CWP — Cigar-Wielding President
8. MSG S/G W/B M/F KOPWPFYB — Moonwalking Single-Gloved Straight/Gay White/Black Male/Female King Of Pop With Predilection For Young Boys
7. RHMI — Really Hip Macarena Instructor
6. HAWGSOH — Heroin Addict With Great Sense Of Humor
5. STLSM — Show Tune-Loving Straight Male
4. SWFWHBTP — Single White Female […]
Top Ten Signs Your Spouse May Be Having An On-Line Affair
10. Lately she sits at the computer naked.
9. After signing off, he always has a cigarette.
8. The giant rubber inflatable disk drive.
7. In the morning, the computer screen is all fogged up.
6. He’s gotten amazingly good at typing with one hand.
5. She makes sarcastic remarks about your “software”.
4. Lipstick on the mouse.
3. During sex, she […]
Signs You’ve Been Waiting in Line Too Long for “Star Wars” Tickets
That chick dressed as Princess Leia in front of you now qualifies as your “longest relationship with a woman.”
Can’t resist to urge to “unsheathe your lightsaber,” if you know what I mean.
Bossman Vader told you to take your Jedi powers to the planet of unemployment.
We’re bombing who? What the hell is a Kosovo?
A fellow fan […]
Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-Or-Treating Is Better Than Sex
10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9) If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8) The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7) You don’t have to compliment the person who gives you some.
6) It’s O.K. when the person […]
The Top 14 Signs You’re Not Watching the Real “Phantom Menace”
14. As if the girl-girl porno action weren’t tacky enough, you can actually see the strings holding up the planets.
13. Somehow, R2-D2 manages to give Darth Maul the finger.
12. Right when Obi-Wan is about to whip out his “lightsaber,” the screen goes blank and you have to put in another 50 cents.
11. Queen Amidala looks […]
Top Ten Things Samuel L. Jackson Should Have Said in the Star Wars Prequel
Note: In case you didn’t know, Samuel L. Jackson was in the first prequel as “Jedi Master Mace Windu”
10. You don’t need to see my goddamn identification, ’cause these ain’t the motherfuckin’ droids you’re looking for.
9. Womp rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I’ll never know, ’cause I’d never touch the filthy motherfucker.
8. This […]
The Top 14 Things Bill Clinton Would Say if He Were in “Star Wars”
14. “Well, it depends on your definition of ‘father’, Luke.”
13. “Who knew the Jedi Mind Trick could work on 250 million people all at once?”
12. “I *absolutely* support the use of droids in the military… Okay, now I don’t.”
11. “Oh-h-h, you’re looking for a little *WOOKIE*… Well, that’s different.”
10. “Luke, I am your father. Obi-Wan, […]
The Top Ten Signs That You’re Being Stalked By A Leprechaun
Generic-looking green van parked across the street with Notre Dame bumper sticker.
Every time you turn around the pitter-pattering stops and that green fire hydrant seems to have gotten a little closer.
Green lipstick marks on the butt of your Dockers.
You’re being followed by a large woman with a sultry voice and a dying career. (Oops! That’s […]
The Top 12 Pick-Up Lines Used by Star Wars Fans
12. “Hey, Beautiful. What’s a nice girl like you doing waiting in line without bathing for 10 days?”
11. “Your place or my Mom’s?”
10 “I… uh… ummm… I… uh… (slaps own forehead) Stupid! STOO-pid!”
9. “You’re even prettier than my fantasy girlfriend.”
8. “I may look like an Ewok, but I’m all Wookie where it counts, baby.”
7. “Date, […]
Top Ten Failed Force Powers
10. X-Ray vision: for checking out what the other gender jedi were hiding under their robes. Banned by Yoda (something to do with small-man’s complex).
9. Super-Complaino-Power: the ability to complain one’s way out of any tough situation (see Luke Skywalker)
8. Insect Repellant: ability to generate an insect repelling force field
7. Rejection Perception: ability to see […]
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