Signs You Have Had Too Much Of The 90’s
You try to enter your password on the microwave.
You haven’t played solitaire with a real deck of cards in a year.
You have a list of fifteen phone numbers to reach your family of three.
Your daughter just bought a CD of all the records your college roommate used to play that you most despised.
Every commercial on […]
Ten excuses for a condom in a Big Mac
In case you missed the article, someone once found a condom in a McDonald’s hamburger.
10. We were test marketing the new “McTrojan”
9. Condom, Condiment - what’s the damn difference
8. It still tastes better than the Arch Deluxe
7. It was either there or in the vanilla shake
6. Turns out the rumors about Grimace and Mayor McCheese […]
Twenty Management Styles
1) MANAGING BY WALKING FASTER THAN THE EMPLOYEES These kind of managers you will always see in the corridor, ten steps away. “We’ll have to talk” you can hear them say, just as they have disappeared around the corner.
2) MANAGING BY STARING OUT OF THE WINDOW These managers you usually meet with their backside faced […]
10 Simple Rules For Dating My Daughter
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes […]
Top Ten Scenes Taken Out of The Star Wars Trilogy Special Edition
10. Tauntaun and Hoth Wampa rendition of The Ice Capades.
9. Luke, Obi-Wan, C3PO, R2-D2, and the Jawas singing “Follow The Yellow Brick Road.”
8. The Modal Nodes replaced in the Mos Eisley Cantina with GWAR.
7. Englebert Humperdink singing with The Max Rebo Band. (maybe he got fed to the Rancor?)
6. Eric Estrada and Larry Wilcox as […]
20 Things To Do In A Drive Through Lane
1. Stand close to the speaker and yell your order, using colorful expletives in ways which would embarrass the patrons inside.
2. Drive through backwards.
3. Belch your order.
4. After ordering, cover the speaker and mic with transparent tape. Watch as customers and order-takers are unable to hear each other and, thus, each raises his/her volume.
5. Barter. […]
Top Ten Ways Michael Jackson Would Be Cooler if He Lived in the Star Wars Universe
1. Due to high loss-of-hand rate, wearing one glove is fashionably acceptable
2. Would not have needed huge effects budget for ‘Captain EO’
3. In shocking revelation, he might have really been the father of Billie Jean’s son
4. Could really walk on moons
5. After skin-altering disease, could become Light Lord of the Sith
6. Could ease tensions between […]
The 10 Most Important People in a Woman’s Life
1. The doctor because he says, “Take off your clothes”
2. The dentist because he says, “Open Wide”
3. The hairdresser because he says, “Do you want it teased or blown”
4. The milkman because he says, “Do you want it in the front or in back?”
5. The Interior Decorator because he says, “Once you have it all […]
Ten Things Not To Say To Your New Girlfriend’s Parents
1. My parole officer thinks Sara has a calming effect on me.
2. Did you see that saucer that flew over town yesterday?
3. Which one of you taught Sara to give such great head?
4. Can you believe it! Those shitheads at the corner market won’t cash my welfare check!
5. We’re going to keep our relationship quiet […]
Darth Vader’s Top Ten Pet Peeves
10. Having to live a good part of my live with the name ‘Anakin.’
9. Obi-Wan Kenobi keeps appearing in the middle of the night saying ‘I told you so!’
8. Boba Fett gets all the chicks.
7. All I did was torture hundreds of innocent people, wipe out an entire generation of Jedi Knights, assist in destroying […]
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