Jesus And The Redneck
Jesus And The Redneck
An Irishman in a wheel chair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus sitting over there?” The waitress nodded “yes,” so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him. […]
Baby Light
In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, “Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.”
Soon, a […]
Trigonometry
A hillbilly was going to send his boy to school and was discussing with the principal what courses he should take.
The principal was talking about math courses and suggested he would probably later on take geometry and trigonometry.
The hillbilly heard this and said “Great! Be sure and give him lot’s of that there triggernometry! He’s […]
Using the FBI
“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”
“I’m calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, the FBI agents descended on Billy Bob’s house. They searched the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they busted […]
Redneck Sex Ed
One day Ma and pa were sitting on the porch, when Pa said to Ma junior’s 21 years old now” It’s about time we teach him about sex”.
Ma said “ya know pa your right”.
So pa said to junior “hey junior come on out to the porch for a second”.
so junior came on out to the […]
Vasectomy
After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough.
So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife/cousin did not want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem.
The doctor instructed him to go […]
In The BIG City
A Kentucky family took a holiday to New York City.
For an adventure the father took his son to see a skyscraper. They were amazed by everything they saw - especially the elevator at one end of the lobby.
The boy asked,
‘What’s that there, Paw?’
The father responded,
‘Well son, I reckon I never did see nothing like this […]
Poetry Contest
The National Poetry Contest had come down to two, a Yale graduate and a redneck from Texas. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was “Timbuktu.”
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. […]
Redneck Hotel
They had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel.
She said to the bellman, “We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning.”
“But, madam!”, replied the bellman.
“Don’t […]
You May Be A Redneck Pilot If…
… your stall warning plays “Dixie.”
… your cross-country flight plan uses flea markets as check points.
… you think sectionals charts should show trailer parks.
… you’ve ever used moonshine as avgas.
… you have mud flaps on your wheel pants.
… you think GPS stands for going perfectly straight.
… your toothpick keeps poking your mike.
… you constantly confuse […]
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