Program
PROGRAM (pro’-gram)
[n] A magic spell cast over a computer allowing it to turn one’s input into error messages.
[vi] To engage in a pastime similar to banging one’s head against a wall, but with fewer opportunities for reward.
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Light Bulb
Light Bulb
Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1,331:
* 1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed
* 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have […]
Lawyer One Liners
Q: What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A tick falls off of you when you die.
Q: Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
Q: What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t chase ambulances?
A: Retired.
Q: How […]
Pilot One Liners
Q: What is the ideal cockpit crew?
A: A pilot and a dog…the pilot is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to bite the pilot in case he tries to touch anything.
Q: How many pilots does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one. He holds the bulb and the world […]
Aviation Sayings
A fiberglass port-a-potty at Oshkosh with the message “I could have been a Glassair!” written on it?
“I would like to die in my sleep like my father did, not in screaming terror, like his passengers.”
If God had meant man to fly, He would have given him more money or airplane tickets.
“Gravity always wins!”
You know you´re […]
Quotes
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.
-Robin Williams
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.
-Roseanne
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
-Billy Crystal
You can say any […]
The World’s Shortest Books
25. My Plan To Find The Real Killers By O.J. Simpson
24. The Catholic Guide To Great Sex
23. To All The Men I’ve Loved Before By Ellen Degeneres
22. The Difference Between Reality And Dilbert
21. Human Rights Advances In China
20. Things I Would Not Do For Money By Dennis Rodman
19. The Wild Years By Al Gore
18. Amelia […]
Have a beer!
I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.
–Frank Sinatra
The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.
–William Butler Yeats
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
–Ernest Hemingway
Always […]
New State Slogans
Alabama:
Yes, We Have Electricity
Alaska:
11,623 Eskimos Can’t Be Wrong!
Arizona:
But It’s a Dry Heat
Arkansas:
Litterasy Ain’t Everthing
California:
By 30 Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda.
Colorado:
If You Don’t Ski, Don’t Bother
Connecticut:
Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedies Don’t Own It Yet.
Delaware:
We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
Florida:
Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia:
We Put The “Fun” In Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii:
Haka Tiki […]
Useful Work Phrases
1. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
3. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
5. I have plenty of talent […]
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