Marriage or Prison

A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked around, still not finding her husband.
Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement where she […]

Dating Vs Marriage

When you are dating….. Farting is never an issue.

When you are married ….You make sure there’s nothing flammable near your husband at all times.
When you are dating….. He takes you out to have a good time.
When you are married ….He brings home a 6 pack, and says “What are you going to drink?”
When you are […]

Who Is Better

These two guys go to a whorehouse. The first guy goes in then comes out and says, “My wife is better.” The second guy goes in then comes out and says, “You know what? Your wife IS better.”

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Celebrating Their 35th

A married couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one wish. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and poof - the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise. Next, […]

Speaking Part

John’s dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part.
John enthusiastically announced that he’d gotten a part. “I play a man who’s been married for twenty years.”
“That’s great, son. […]

Much Improved

The other day at work I ran into Bob. We chatted over lunch and he dropped a bombsell on me. “Rodney” he said, “Becky and I are going to get a divorce”.
I was stunned. “Why? What happened, you two seem so happy together”
“Well” he said, “ever since we got married, my wife has tried to […]

Probability of Winning an Arguement with a Woman

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The Sentence

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at […]

Good Mood

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my  moods. We’ve discovered that when I’m in a good mood, it turns green. When  I’m in a bad mood, it leaves a big fucking red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he’ll […]

The Dress

Jennifer’s wedding day was fast approaching.
Nothing could dampen her excitement– not even her
parents’ nasty divorce.
Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would
be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her
father’s new young wife had bought the exact same dress!
Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. […]

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