Sexual Star Wars Trilogy Lines

A NEW HOPE
‘She may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts, kid.’
‘Curse my metal body, I wasn’t fast enough!’
‘Look at the size of that thing!’
‘Sorry about the mess…’
‘You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought.’
‘Aren’t you a little short for a Stormtrooper?’
‘You’ve got something jammed in here real good.’
‘Put […]

January 11, 2006 | Filed Under Dirty Jokes, Geek | Share your thoughts... 

Top Ten Reasons Not To Join The Empire

10. Stormtroopers are the Empire’s first line of defense.
9. All ships and installations are built around a “main reactor.”
8. Exhaust ports are big enough for proton torpedoes and always lead to the “main reactor”.

7. TIE Fighters have no shields.
6. The Emperor’s best troops were defeated by rock and stick wielding teddy bears.
5. Officers over the […]

January 10, 2006 | Filed Under Geek, Top 10 | Share your thoughts... 

Top Ten Hobbies Of Darth Vader

10) Making prank “heavy breathing” phone calls
9) Sneaking up behind Star Destroyer crew members, covering their eyes, and demanding “Guess who?”
8) Practicing throwing Palpatine doll down pits
7) Genealogy

6) Using the force to learn to juggle
5) Mortal Kombat 5436
4) Using mind-reading ability to win at Battleship
3) Late nights with a pain droid
2) Sending anonymous love-notes to […]

January 8, 2006 | Filed Under Geek, Top 10 | Share your thoughts... 

DEATH STAR = DEATH TRAP

For all the yipping Admiral Motti does about his station being the “ultimate power in the universe,” certain aspects of the Death Star’s construction leave a lot to be desired. Indeed, on several occasions the Death Star’s sinister engineers seemingly made it one of their design specifications to make things as dangerous as possible.
Consider these […]

December 30, 2005 | Filed Under Geek | Share your thoughts... 

12 Step Program Of Recovery For Web Addicts

1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my PAPER newspaper like I used to, before the Web.
2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3) I will get dressed before noon.
4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, […]

December 28, 2005 | Filed Under Computer Jokes, Geek | Share your thoughts... 

Why the Chicken Crossed the Road..In the Words of the Star Wars Characters

YODA: Crossing the road makes not a chicken great.
VADER: Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side.
LUKE: Crossing the road is one thing, this is…. totally different.
LUKE: I want to follow the ways of the chicken and cross the road like my father.
LEIA: I don’t know… but I have a bad feeling […]

December 25, 2005 | Filed Under Geek | Share your thoughts... 

T-Shirts in the Star Wars Universe

“My Mom (and/or Dad) fought at the Battle of (Yavin/Hoth/Endor) and all I got was this lousy t-shirt”
“Have you hugged a wookie today?”
“I’m with stupid” (With arrow pointing to Jabba)
“My astromech went to the Death Star and all I got were the lousy Technical Schematics”
“Emperor’s slugs need love too”

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December 20, 2005 | Filed Under Geek | Share your thoughts... 

Bumper stickers in the Star Wars Universe

My Jedi brat can beat up your honors student
I survived the Battle of Endor
Palpatine, save me from your followers
My other starship is an SSD
Visit Scenic Beggars Canyon
Jedi Master on board — please fly carefully
Support your local stormtrooper — buy Imperial
Max Rebo Tour ‘99 [or whatever year it is]
X-wing pilots do it better
WE BRAKE FOR NOBODY […]

December 15, 2005 | Filed Under Geek | Share your thoughts... 

Star Wars Astrology

ARIES (March 21 - April 19)
Star Wars Character : The Emperor
The Emperor has demonstrated his liking to inflict pain on people just as people born under the sign Aries often do. He feels he is at the center of the universe and he must be in control. He enjoys being a leader and his aggression […]

December 10, 2005 | Filed Under Geek | Share your thoughts... 

Top Ten Scenes Taken Out of The Star Wars Trilogy Special Edition

10. Tauntaun and Hoth Wampa rendition of The Ice Capades.
9. Luke, Obi-Wan, C3PO, R2-D2, and the Jawas singing “Follow The Yellow Brick Road.”
8. The Modal Nodes replaced in the Mos Eisley Cantina with GWAR.
7. Englebert Humperdink singing with The Max Rebo Band. (maybe he got fed to the Rancor?)
6. Eric Estrada and Larry Wilcox as […]

December 5, 2005 | Filed Under Geek, Top 10 | Share your thoughts... 

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