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Top Ten Hobbies Of Darth Vader

10) Making prank “heavy breathing” phone calls
9) Sneaking up behind Star Destroyer crew members, covering their eyes, and demanding “Guess who?”
8) Practicing throwing Palpatine doll down pits

7) Genealogy
6) Using the force to learn to juggle
5) Mortal Kombat 5436
4) Using mind-reading ability to win at Battleship
3) Late nights with a pain droid
2) Sending anonymous love-notes to […]

Top Ten Reasons To Like Wedge Antilles

10. He saved Luke’s life about a bizillion times
9. He’s cool
8. He helped destroy 3, count em’, 3 Death Stars (Read the books!)
7. He eats TIE fighters for breakfast
6. He’s cool
5. He has that stylish orange flight jump suit
4. “Look at the size of that thing!”
3. He’s cool
2. He can topple an AT-AT in his […]

Top 10 Reasons Why Bossk Is The Coolest Bounty Hunter

10. His action figure kicks butt.
9. Two words: live lunch.
8. His ship, “The Hound’s Tooth,” has bitchin’ flame decals and fuzzy dice.
7. It’s easier to give someone the middle finger since he’s only got three fingers.
6. He’s the only bounty hunter with built-in snakeskin.
5. His bloddshot eyes are from constant partying.
4. He’s nice to his […]

Lines from Star Wars that can be improved if you substitute the word “Pants” for key words

We’ve got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down.
The pants may not look like much, kid, but they’ve got it where it counts.
I find your lack of pants disturbing.
These pants contain the ultimate power in the Universe. I suggest we use it.
Han will have those pants down. We’ve got […]

Everything I’ve ever learned, I learned from Star Wars

1.  Never trust men in dark helmets.
2. It really isn’t necessary to be fluent in over 6 million forms of communication.
3. When all else fails….jump!
4. Sometimes, you’ve just gotta do something that seems totally suicidal.
5. If you are a young hero, nothing can kill you.
6. Always check the background of people you want to get […]

Ways To Make Episode II Better Than Episode I

Near the beginning of the movie, Jar Jar Binks finds a light saber and accidently activates the weapon whilst he holds it pointed at himself.
Near the beginning of the movie, Jar Jar Binks is tortured and killed by the new empire for apparently no reason.
Near the beginning of the movie, Jar Jar Binks is eaten […]

Top Ten Signs You’re a True Star Wars Fan

10. When arguing Star Wars against Star Trek, you use the words ‘Star Trek Sissy Boys’ at least 15 times.
9. You believe President Clinton should increase its budget. (I’m sorry, wrong Star Wars!)
8. At a Star Wars collectibles convention, you purchase Gammorean Guard saliva.
7. You waste your time writing Star Wars Top Ten lists. (no […]

Why Star Wars Characters Would Kick Butt In The Star Trek Universe

10) In the Star Wars universe, weapons rarely, if ever, are set on “stun.”
9) The Enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit and a crew of twenty just to go into warp. The Millenium Falcon does the same thing with just R2-D2 and a Wookie.
8) After resisting the Imperial torture droid and […]

The Top Surprises in the Re-Mastered “Star Wars”

New scene in which Chewbacca teaches Han Solo how to lick himself.
The commercial tie-in appearance of Jabba’s big brother, Pizza the Hut.
Newly-colorized Darth Vader is mauve.Jabba the Butt-head saying, “Hehe…hehe…she said, ‘Lay ya.’”
During one lonely night, Princess Lea finds R2D2’s special attachment.
Anti-fur activists from planet PETA spray Chewbacca with red paint.
He might not look as […]

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