Breathe In Breathe Out

Breathe In Breathe Out
There was a blonde that went to the hair salon with headphones. Before the barber started cutting her hair she told him “Make sure not to knock the headphones off my head”. So the barber was sure not to. The next time, the blonde said the same thing “Do not knock the […]

New To The Country

A man who had just moved out to the country decides to start a farm. He goes to one nearby and asks to buy a chicken.
The farmer tells the man that they don’t call them chickens there. “We say pullets.”

Then the man selects a donkey. The farmer says, “We don’t call them donkeys. Here we […]

Impotent Farmer

An impotent farmer was having trouble in bed for close to a year now and he just didn’t know what to do. He ate Viagra like M&M’s but it never seemed to help. Well anyways the farmer had a couple cows that he wanted to breed, and he went down to his neighbor farmer to […]

Overturned Wagon

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, “Hey Willis, forget your troubles! Come in and visit with us. I’ll help you get the wagon up later.”
“That’s mighty nice of you,” Willis answered, “but I don’t think Pa would like me […]

Cow Tail

A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off the tee he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play through and he would meet them at the clubhouse. They followed the plan and waited for their friend.
After a considerable time he appeared disheveled, bloody, and badly […]

Pumpkin Fucker

Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year-old white male resident of Wilmington, NC, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm Friday. Davidson will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to […]

Farmer’s Divorce

A farmer walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, “May I help you?”
The farmer said, “Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces.”
The attorney said, “Well do you have any grounds?”
The farmer said, “Yea, I got about 140 acres.” The attorney said, “No, you don’t understand, do […]

Elephant WOMB

Four farmers were seated at the bar in a tavern. At the table next to them sat a young girl.
The first man said, “I think it’s WOOMB.” The second replied, “No, it must be WOOOOMBH.” The third said, “You both have it wrong — it’s WOOM.” The fourth stated, “No, it has to be WOOMMMMBBB.”
At […]

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