Engineer in Hell
An ENGINEER is standing outside the Pearly Gates. “Sorry”, Saint Peter tells him, “but you’re in the wrong place.” He snaps his fingers and the engineer finds himself in hell. Dissatisfied with the level of comfort there, the engineer starts making improvements.
One day, God phones Satan to ask how things are going.
“Great, […]
Bill Gates Meets His Match
The following is a conversation overheard as Bill Gates was moving into his new house…
Bill: “There are a few issues we need to discuss.”
Contractor: “Ah, you have our basic support option. Calls are free for the first 90 days and $75 a call thereafter. Okay?”
Bill: “Uh, yeah… the first issue is the living room. We […]
AOL Changes
Due to the recent merger of AOL and Time Warner, AOL members can soon expect the following changes:
* Time Magazine’s next “Man Of The Year” issue will feature Steve Case on the cover as the undisputed winner. This of course will strictly be a coincidence.
* The standard irritating AOL popups will be replaced by Warner […]
Bill Gates And God
Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and Bill Gates all died in a plane crash and went to meet their maker. The supreme deity turned to Al and asked, tell what is important about yourself.
Al responded that he felt that the earth was the ultimate importance and that protecting the earth’s ecological system was most important.
God looked […]
A Brief History Of Computers
Long ago, in the days when all disks flopped in the breeze and the writing of words was on a star, the Blue Giant dug for the people the Pea Sea. But he needed a creature who could sail the waters, and would need for support but few rams.
So the Gateskeeper, who was said to […]
A Few Words From Tech Support
1. Don’t write anything down. We can play back the error messages from here.
2. When a tech says he’s coming right over, go for coffee. It’s nothing to us to remember 481 screen saver passwords.
3. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of […]
50 Ways to Mess With People in a Computer Lab
1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream “Oh my God! They’ve found me!” and bolt.2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty […]
An Airliner
At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer. “If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software how many of you would disembark immediately?”
Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only […]
A CD Player
While shopping for my first CD player, I was able to decipher most of the technicalese on the promotional signs. One designation had me puzzled, though, so I called over a salesperson and asked, “What does ‘hybrid pulse D/A converter’ mean?” “That means”, he said, “that this machine will read the digital information that is […]
You Might be Addicted to AOL if
* Tech Support calls “You” for help.* Someone at work tells you a joke and you say LOL.* You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on.* You have called out someone’s screen name while making love to your significant other.* You keep begging your friends to get an account “so we can hang out.”* […]
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Montana
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Key Hangers
