You Might Be A Rednick If… (Part III)
…the most common phrase in your house is, “Someone go jiggle the handle.”
…the oak tree in the front yard is an essential piece of automotive repair equipment (how else are you gonna pull the engine out of the old Dodge?)
…the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.
…the taillight covers of your car […]
You Might Be A Rednick If… (Part II)
…”Bambi” made you hungry for rabbit!
…An expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.
…a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
…a policeman asks for your ID, and you answer, “About what?”
…a tornado goes through your trailer’s yard and makes it look neater.
…after the divorce you still call your Ex “Cuz”.
…any […]
Redneck Hotel
They had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel.
She said to the bellman, “We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning.”
“But, madam!”, replied the bellman.
“Don’t […]
You Might Be A Rednick If… (Part VI)
…you’ve ever re-used a paper plate.
…you’ve ever shot anyone for looking at you.
…you’ve ever shot somebody over a mall parking space.
…you’ve ever slam-shifted a tractor.
…you’ve ever spray painted your girlfriend’s name on an overpass.
…you’ve ever strained your tea through a flyswatter.
…you’ve ever told the local sheriff that you smell a pig and he replies, “I […]
Grand Delusions
When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the physiatrist began his therapy session, “I’m not aware of your problem,” the doctor said. “So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning.”
“Of course.” replied the patient. “In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth…”
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You Might Be A Rednick If… (Part VII)
…your kids LIKE the Arch Deluxe hamburger at McDonalds.
…your kids can’t go out for Hollween because there’s nobody within walking distance to get candy from.
…your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
…your lips move while reading a stop sign.
…your masseuse uses lard.
…your master bathroom has the words “porta” and “potty” written on the side.
…your […]
Overturned Wagon
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, “Hey Willis, forget your troubles! Come in and visit with us. I’ll help you get the wagon up later.”
“That’s mighty nice of you,” Willis answered, “but I don’t think Pa would like me […]
Clinic’s Name
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, “Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?”
“Outstanding,” Fred replied. “They taught us all the latest psychological techiniques - visualization, association - it made a huge difference for me.”
“That’s great! What was the name of the clinic?”
Fred […]
Confused People
In a psychiatrist’s waiting room two patients are having a conversation. One says to the other, “Why are you here?”
The second answers, “I’m Napoleon, so the doctor told me to come here.”
The first is curious and asks, “How do you know that you’re Napoleon?”
The second responds, “God told me I was.”
At this point, a patient […]
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