Diagnosis
“You’ve got a touch of pneumonia,” said the medical officer after examining the new enlistee.
“Are you sure, sir?” queried one worried man. “I have known people in civvy street to be told they have pneumonia but then to die of something quite different.”
“You are not in civil life, Samson. You’re in the Army!” thundered the […]
That’s Not Fair
A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil. As he passed sulfurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as a lawyer making love to a beautiful woman.
“That’s not fair,” he complained. “I face torment for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it […]
The Corruption Trial
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn’t hear the question. The prosecutor again blared, “Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars […]
The Brass Rat
A man, visiting San Francisco, noticed a musty curio shop, which seemed to be forgotten by time. It seemed very out of place in the busy city. The man’s curiosity was piqued, and he entered the shop. The store didn’t seem to have much traffic, and the shelves were full of dusty, but interesting items. […]
Deer Tracks
Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a pair of tracks. They stopped and examined the tracks closely. The first lawyer announced, “Those are deer tracks. It’s deer season, so we should follow the tracks and find our prey.” The second lawyer responded,”Those are clearly elk tracks, and elk are out of season. […]
Do You Serve Lawyers?
A man walked into a bar, leading an alligator by a leash. He asked the bartender, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Sure do,” said the bartender.
“Good,” replied the man. “Give me a beer, and I’ll have a lawyer for my ‘gator.”
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I Have To Sleep With What?
Chicago sent its police chief, fire chief, and city attorney to a municipal management conference in Indiana. While driving through a rural area, their car broke down, and they sought assistance at a nearby farmhouse. The farmer told them that the local garage was closed, and that they were welcome to spend the night, but […]
A Poor Choice of Snack
Two tigers were stalking through the jungles of Asia. Suddenly, the one to the rear reached out with his tongue, and licked the posterior of the tiger in front of him. The startled front tiger turned and said, “Cut it out.” The rear tiger apologized, and they continued onward.
About five minutes later, it happened again. […]
Professional Courtesy
Did you hear about the lawyer on vacation whose sailboat capsized in dangerous, shark-infested waters? He surprised his traveling companions by volunteering to swim to the far-off shore for help. As he swam, his companions were startled by the appearance of two dorsal fins — great white sharks, heading straight toward the lawyer. To their […]
Bear With Me
A very wealthy lawyer vacationed for several weeks each year at his summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Each summer, he would invite friends to come to visit him.
One summer he invited a lawyer from Czechoslovakia to visit him. The friend, eager to see how a wealthy American vacationed, gratefully agreed. They had a […]
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