The Next One
After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. “I’m busy,” he said. “I’ll do the next one.” The next time came around and she asked again. The husband narrowed his eyes as he looked at his wife. “I didn’t mean the […]
Organic Vegetables
My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn’t find any. So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, “These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?” “The produce guy looked at me and said, “No. You’ll have […]
Speaking Part
John’s dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part.
John enthusiastically announced that he’d gotten a part. “I play a man who’s been married for twenty years.”
“That’s great, son. […]
Much Improved
The other day at work I ran into Bob. We chatted over lunch and he dropped a bombsell on me. “Rodney” he said, “Becky and I are going to get a divorce”.
I was stunned. “Why? What happened, you two seem so happy together”
“Well” he said, “ever since we got married, my wife has tried to […]
Pilot One Liners
Q: What is the ideal cockpit crew?
A: A pilot and a dog…the pilot is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to bite the pilot in case he tries to touch anything.
Q: How many pilots does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one. He holds the bulb and the world […]
Black Hair
The black dude walked into the house to see his wife dancing seductively in front of him. “Hey babe,” he said. “Where’d you get that grass skirt?” “That aint no grass skirt,” she replied. “I had my hair straightened.”
Share This
You May Be A Redneck Pilot If…
… your stall warning plays “Dixie.”
… your cross-country flight plan uses flea markets as check points.
… you think sectionals charts should show trailer parks.
… you’ve ever used moonshine as avgas.
… you have mud flaps on your wheel pants.
… you think GPS stands for going perfectly straight.
… your toothpick keeps poking your mike.
… you constantly confuse […]
Don’t Step On Them
Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly reckless, was playing in the backyard one morning. Soon, some honeybees started swirling around, annoying little Johnny. He began stomping on them in his temper. His father caught him trampling the honeybees, and after a brief moment of thought said, “That’s it! No honey for […]
Beautiful
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.”
“Very good, Suzy,” replied the […]
Johnny Urinates
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, “Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!” The teacher replied, “Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is ‘urinate.’ […]
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