You May Be A Redneck Pilot If…

… your stall warning plays “Dixie.”

… your cross-country flight plan uses flea markets as check points.

… you think sectionals charts should show trailer parks.

… you’ve ever used moonshine as avgas.

… you have mud flaps on your wheel pants.

… you think GPS stands for going perfectly straight.

… your toothpick keeps poking your mike.

… you constantly confuse Beechcraft with Beechnut.

… just before impact, you are heard saying, “Hey y’all, watch this!”

… you have a black airplane with a big #3 on the side.

… you’ve ever just taxied around the airport drinking beer.

… you use a Purina feed bag for a windsock.

… you fuel your wizzbang 140 from a Mason jar.

… you wouldn’t be caught dead flyin’ a Grumman “Yankee.”

… you refer to flying in formation as “We got ourselves a convoy!”

… there is a sign on the side of your aircraft advertising your septic tank service.

… when you are the owner of Red Neck Airlines and pilot of Redneck One.

… you subscribe to The Southern Aviator because of the soft paper!

… you have ever incorporated sheetrock into the repair of your aircraft.

… you have ever responded to ATC with the phrase “That’s a big 10-4!”

… you typically answer female controllers with titles like “sugar” or “little darlin’.”

… she responds with the words “Honey” or “Big guy” then she may be a redneck.

… you have ever used a relief tube as a spitoon.

… you glance down at your belt buckle to help you remember your N-number.

… you have ever tried to impress your girlfriend by buzzing her doublewide.

… the preprinted portion of your weight and balance sheet contains “Case of Bud.”

… your go/no-go checklist includes the words “Skoal” or “Redman.”

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