Blind Carpenter
A blind carpenter walks into a lumber mill and shouts out, “I am a blind carpenter and I need a job.”
The foreman walks over to the blind carpenter and says, “If you’re blind, how can you work in a lumber yard?”
The blind carpenter says, “I can tell any piece of lumber by it’s smell.”
The foreman […]
Persistant Stoner
A stoner walks into a 7-11 and asks the clerk “got any weed?” the clerk responds “Hell no you damn stoner”. The next day the stoner returns he asks the clerk “got any weed” the clerk outraged smashes the stoners head on the counter and says, “Look you stoner if you come in here and […]
Daddy Johnny
Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?” “No,” said his Mom, “of course not.”
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his Mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay, we can play that game again!”
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Smelling What You Eat
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. “I’m sorry, Sir, but I am blind and can’t read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I’ll smell it and order […]
The Slow Golfers
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning at the third tee (par 3, 185 yards, slight dog leg to left, water hazard on the right) while a particularly slow group of golfers were flailing away ahead of them.
Engineer: What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
Doctor: I […]
The K9 Patrol
The police department, famous for its superior canine (K-9) unit, was somewhat taken back by a recent incident.
Returning home from work a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burgled. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K9 unit patrolling […]
Non-seeing Eye Dog
A blind man was seen waiting at a street corner with his guide dog. After a short wait the dog started leading the blind man across the street against the red light.
First a car comes screeching to a halt inches away from him, but still the dog leads on, then a bicyclist almost wipes them […]
Done By Smell
A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register.
There is a Wal- Mart “associate” standing there with dark shades on. She says, “Excuse me sir…can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?” He […]
Cold Winter Day
“It was so cold last week that I saw several lawyers with their hands in their own pockets.”
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Robbery In A Church
A crook thought maybe he could rob a church. The crook takes the money but notices a priest. The crook wants to kill the only witness, so he pulls out his gun, and fires. The crook missed and said “Damn, I missed.” the preist tells the crook “If you swear in the house of God […]
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