Adopted By the Boston Red Sox
A child custody case was held in court. The judge felt that the mother and father were both fit to be parents and therefore couldn’t decide who he should grant full custody to. So he asks the little boy, “Would you like to live with your mother?”
“No.” said the boy.
“Why not?” said the judge.
“Because she […]
Charlie’s Hole In One
Robert goes golfing every Saturday. One Saturday, he comes home three hours late. His wife asks him, “What took you so long?”
The guy says, “That was the worst game of golf I’ve ever had. We got up to the first tee, and Charlie hit a hole-in-one and immediately dropped dead of a heart attack.”
The guy’s […]
Swimming Head
Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and “splash” they’re all in the pool
The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing […]
Hunting and Talking
Three guys are out hunting and sitting around the evening campfire exchanging their worst experiences.
The first guy says the worst thing that ever happened to him was, he was up on a scaffold 7 stories high washing windows when the scaffold collapsed and he fell, breaking every bone in his body and he was hospitalized […]
Nerd Season
A truck driver, hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers, stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door that says, “COMPUTER NERDS NOT ALLOWED - ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!” He enters and sits down.
The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, and says that he smells kind […]
The Strength Of 100 Men
Before the final match, the American wrestler’s trainer came to him and said, “Now don’t forget all the research we’ve done on this Russian. He’s never lost a match because of this “pretzel” hold he has. Whatever you do, don’t let him get you in this hold! If he does, you’re finished!”
The wrestler nodded in […]
Two Bear Hunters
Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.
He ran pretty […]
Cow Tail
A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off the tee he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play through and he would meet them at the clubhouse. They followed the plan and waited for their friend.
After a considerable time he appeared disheveled, bloody, and badly […]
Tips on Love by Kids- Age 5-10
WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?
“Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me awife.” (Tom, 5)
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
“On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.” (Mike, 9)
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO […]
Quotes
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.
-Robin Williams
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.
-Roseanne
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
-Billy Crystal
You can say any […]
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