Why Star Wars Characters Would Kick Butt In The Star Trek Universe
10) In the Star Wars universe, weapons rarely, if ever, are set on “stun.”
9) The Enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit and a crew of twenty just to go into warp. The Millenium Falcon does the same thing with just R2-D2 and a Wookie.
8) After resisting the Imperial torture droid and […]
The Top Surprises in the Re-Mastered “Star Wars”
New scene in which Chewbacca teaches Han Solo how to lick himself.
The commercial tie-in appearance of Jabba’s big brother, Pizza the Hut.
Newly-colorized Darth Vader is mauve.Jabba the Butt-head saying, “Hehe…hehe…she said, ‘Lay ya.’”
During one lonely night, Princess Lea finds R2D2’s special attachment.
Anti-fur activists from planet PETA spray Chewbacca with red paint.
He might not look as […]
Sexual Star Wars Trilogy Lines
A NEW HOPE
‘She may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts, kid.’
‘Curse my metal body, I wasn’t fast enough!’
‘Look at the size of that thing!’
‘Sorry about the mess…’
‘You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought.’
‘Aren’t you a little short for a Stormtrooper?’
‘You’ve got something jammed in here real good.’
‘Put […]
Top Ten Reasons Not To Join The Empire
10. Stormtroopers are the Empire’s first line of defense.
9. All ships and installations are built around a “main reactor.”
8. Exhaust ports are big enough for proton torpedoes and always lead to the “main reactor”.
7. TIE Fighters have no shields.
6. The Emperor’s best troops were defeated by rock and stick wielding teddy bears.
5. Officers over the […]
Iraq One Liners
Q. What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common?
A. They both want to know where all those Tomahawks are coming from!
Q: What is the best Iraqi job?
A: Foreign Ambassador.
Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
A. You only have to teach them to take off.
Q. How […]
Top Ten Hobbies Of Darth Vader
10) Making prank “heavy breathing” phone calls
9) Sneaking up behind Star Destroyer crew members, covering their eyes, and demanding “Guess who?”
8) Practicing throwing Palpatine doll down pits
7) Genealogy
6) Using the force to learn to juggle
5) Mortal Kombat 5436
4) Using mind-reading ability to win at Battleship
3) Late nights with a pain droid
2) Sending anonymous love-notes to […]
A Little Male Bashing
Q: Why do men become smarter during sex?
A: Because they are plugged into a genius.
Q: Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
A: They don’t have time.
Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg?
A: They won’t stop for directions.
Q: Why did God put men on earth?
A: Because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn.
Q: […]
Dirty One Liners
Q. Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
A. Ate something. (8.xxxxxxx….)
Q. But do you know what 6.9 is?
A. A good thing screwed up by a period.
Q. Did you hear about the new “morning after” pill for men?
A. It changes their blood type.
Q. What do Lifesavers do that a man can’t?
A. Come in […]
Fish and Cat Story
One spring day, a fish was swimming about a foot below the surface of a lake and saw a fly hovering just out of striking distance.
The fish said to itself, “If that fly comes six inches closer, I’ll jump up and have myself a meal.” Just then, a bear on the shore of the lake […]
A Theory On Hell
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term:
“Is Hell exothermic [gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof.”
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some […]
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