Golfing With Wife
A lovely afternoon finds one fellow and his wife golfing. They have had a wonderful time and the man has had a near perfect game. The final hole, by far the most difficult, wraps around an old barn. With a terrible slice the man puts the barn between his ball and the green. Knowing that […]
Female Bashing
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A; None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
A: Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Q: Why do women have […]
Everything I’ve ever learned, I learned from Star Wars
1. Never trust men in dark helmets.
2. It really isn’t necessary to be fluent in over 6 million forms of communication.
3. When all else fails….jump!
4. Sometimes, you’ve just gotta do something that seems totally suicidal.
5. If you are a young hero, nothing can kill you.
6. Always check the background of people you want to get […]
Ways To Make Episode II Better Than Episode I
Near the beginning of the movie, Jar Jar Binks finds a light saber and accidently activates the weapon whilst he holds it pointed at himself.
Near the beginning of the movie, Jar Jar Binks is tortured and killed by the new empire for apparently no reason.
Near the beginning of the movie, Jar Jar Binks is eaten […]
Blonde One Liners Continued
Q: What do you call a blonde in an institute for higher learning?
A: A visitor.
Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
Three Blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for […]
Blonde One Liners Continued
Q: Why did the blonde have square boobs?
A: She forgot to take the tissue out of the box.
Q: Whats an intelligent blonde?
A: A Golden Retreiver.
Q: What did they call the blonde that was found dead in the closet?
A: The 1994 Hide and Go Seek Champion.
Q: Why was the Blonde’s brain the size of a pea […]
Blonde One Liners
Did you hear about the blonde that put lipstick on her forehead so she could make up her mind?
Did you hear that they found another “Heaven Gates” cult member? Yea…it was a blonde and she was under the sink looking for the comet!
Did you hear about the blonde that threw away her weight loss video […]
Top Ten Signs You’re a True Star Wars Fan
10. When arguing Star Wars against Star Trek, you use the words ‘Star Trek Sissy Boys’ at least 15 times.
9. You believe President Clinton should increase its budget. (I’m sorry, wrong Star Wars!)
8. At a Star Wars collectibles convention, you purchase Gammorean Guard saliva.
7. You waste your time writing Star Wars Top Ten lists. (no […]
Memo From God
Memo to: The members of the Kansas Board of Education
From: God
Re: Your decision to eliminate the teaching of evolution as science.
Thank you for your support. Much obliged.
Now, go forth and multiply. Beget many children. And yea, your children shall beget children. And their children shall beget children, and their children’s children after them. And in […]
The Nonconformist Bird
There once was a nonconformist bird that decided not to fly south for the winter. He said “I’ve had enough of this flying south every winter, I’ll just stay right here on this farm, what’s the big deal, anyway?”
So he stayed. Winter came and was very cold, the nonconformist bird had never felt such cold […]
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