Did you know…

The average chocolate bar has 8 insect legs in it.
A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair.
The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896.
Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.
A polar bear’s skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear.
Elvis had a twin brother named Garon, who died at birth, […]

Ten excuses for a condom in a Big Mac

In case you missed the article, someone once found a condom in a McDonald’s hamburger.
10. We were test marketing the new “McTrojan”
9. Condom, Condiment - what’s the damn difference
8. It still tastes better than the Arch Deluxe

7. It was either there or in the vanilla shake
6. Turns out the rumors about Grimace and Mayor McCheese […]

Expressions For High Stress Days

1.   Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
2.   Well, aren’t we just a ray of fucking sunshine?

3.   Make yourself at home!  Clean my kitchen.
4.   Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
5.   A hard-on doesn’t count as personal growth.
6.   Don’t bother me.  I’m living happily ever after.
7.   Do I look like […]

Star Wars Astrology

ARIES (March 21 - April 19)
Star Wars Character : The Emperor
The Emperor has demonstrated his liking to inflict pain on people just as people born under the sign Aries often do. He feels he is at the center of the universe and he must be in control. He enjoys being a leader and his aggression […]

Twenty Management Styles

1) MANAGING BY WALKING FASTER THAN THE EMPLOYEES These kind of managers you will always see in the corridor, ten steps away. “We’ll have to talk” you can hear them say, just as they have disappeared around the corner.
2) MANAGING BY STARING OUT OF THE WINDOW These managers you usually meet with their backside faced […]

10 Simple Rules For Dating My Daughter

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes […]

Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work

ESCAPEE  Definition: A fart that slips out while peeing or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not […]

What My Mother Taught Me

My mother taught me LOGIC… “If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can’t go to the store with me.”
My mother taught me MEDICINE… “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they’re going to freeze that way.”
My mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD… “If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never […]

Top Ten Scenes Taken Out of The Star Wars Trilogy Special Edition

10. Tauntaun and Hoth Wampa rendition of The Ice Capades.
9. Luke, Obi-Wan, C3PO, R2-D2, and the Jawas singing “Follow The Yellow Brick Road.”
8. The Modal Nodes replaced in the Mos Eisley Cantina with GWAR.
7. Englebert Humperdink singing with The Max Rebo Band. (maybe he got fed to the Rancor?)
6. Eric Estrada and Larry Wilcox as […]

20 Things To Do In A Drive Through Lane

1. Stand close to the speaker and yell your order, using colorful expletives in ways which would embarrass the patrons inside.
2. Drive through backwards.
3. Belch your order.
4. After ordering, cover the speaker and mic with transparent tape. Watch as customers and order-takers are unable to hear each other and, thus, each raises his/her volume.
5. Barter. […]

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