You know you’re trailer trash when…
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the table in front of her kids.
You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night.
Jack Daniel’s makes your list of […]
Signs You’ve Been Waiting in Line Too Long for “Star Wars” Tickets
That chick dressed as Princess Leia in front of you now qualifies as your “longest relationship with a woman.”
Can’t resist to urge to “unsheathe your lightsaber,” if you know what I mean.
Bossman Vader told you to take your Jedi powers to the planet of unemployment.
We’re bombing who? What the hell is a Kosovo?
A fellow fan […]
What Things On Your Resume Really Mean
I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS: I’m usually on Prozac. When I’m not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.
I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION & ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS: I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.
I’M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF […]
Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-Or-Treating Is Better Than Sex
10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9) If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8) The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7) You don’t have to compliment the person who gives you some.
6) It’s O.K. when the person […]
The Top 14 Signs You’re Not Watching the Real “Phantom Menace”
14. As if the girl-girl porno action weren’t tacky enough, you can actually see the strings holding up the planets.
13. Somehow, R2-D2 manages to give Darth Maul the finger.
12. Right when Obi-Wan is about to whip out his “lightsaber,” the screen goes blank and you have to put in another 50 cents.
11. Queen Amidala looks […]
I’ve learned…
…that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
…that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
…that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
…that you can get by on charm for about […]
Inspirational Messages Not Heard At Work
17. There is no “I” in “teamwork.” But there is in “management kiss-up.”
16. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.
15. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
14. Doing a job RIGHT the first time […]
Top Ten Things Samuel L. Jackson Should Have Said in the Star Wars Prequel
Note: In case you didn’t know, Samuel L. Jackson was in the first prequel as “Jedi Master Mace Windu”
10. You don’t need to see my goddamn identification, ’cause these ain’t the motherfuckin’ droids you’re looking for.
9. Womp rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I’ll never know, ’cause I’d never touch the filthy motherfucker.
8. This […]
How To Be Really Annoying
Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way”.
Drum on every available surface.
Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Ask 800 operators for dates.
Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
Sew anti-theft detector strips […]
The Top 14 Things Bill Clinton Would Say if He Were in “Star Wars”
14. “Well, it depends on your definition of ‘father’, Luke.”
13. “Who knew the Jedi Mind Trick could work on 250 million people all at once?”
12. “I *absolutely* support the use of droids in the military… Okay, now I don’t.”
11. “Oh-h-h, you’re looking for a little *WOOKIE*… Well, that’s different.”
10. “Luke, I am your father. Obi-Wan, […]
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