Darth Vader’s Top Ten Pet Peeves

10. Having to live a good part of my live with the name ‘Anakin.’

9. Obi-Wan Kenobi keeps appearing in the middle of the night saying ‘I told you so!’
8. Boba Fett gets all the chicks.
7. All I did was torture hundreds of innocent people, wipe out an entire generation of Jedi Knights, assist in destroying […]

November 20, 2005 | Filed Under Geek, Top 10 | Share your thoughts... 

Performance Reviews

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations in a large US Corporation.
(1) “Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom…..and has started to dig.”
(2) “His men would follow him anywhere…but only out of morbid curiosity.”
(3) “I would not allow this employee to breed.”
(4) “This employee is really not so […]

November 19, 2005 | Filed Under Work | Share your thoughts... 

Euphemisms For Being Stupid

A beer short of a six pack.
A brick short of a load.
A couple of eggs shy of a dozen.
A couple of gallons short of a full tank.
A few ants short of a picnic.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
A few bricks short of a pile.
A few bricks short of a wall.
A few cards short of […]

November 18, 2005 | Filed Under Stupid People | Share your thoughts... 

Top Ten Acronyms Least Used In Personal Ads

10. JRLA — Janet Reno Look-Alike
9. CWP — Cigar-Wielding President
8. MSG S/G W/B M/F KOPWPFYB — Moonwalking Single-Gloved Straight/Gay White/Black Male/Female King Of Pop With Predilection For Young Boys
7. RHMI — Really Hip Macarena Instructor
6. HAWGSOH — Heroin Addict With Great Sense Of Humor
5. STLSM — Show Tune-Loving Straight Male
4. SWFWHBTP — Single White Female […]

November 17, 2005 | Filed Under Top 10 | Share your thoughts... 

Adopted Turtle

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.
The turtle tried again and again while a couple […]

November 16, 2005 | Filed Under Animal | Share your thoughts... 

Things Luke Did Between ESB and ROTJ

1. Spent a lot of time in the gymnastics facilities working on those AMAZING backflips, etc…
2. Played “Itsy Bitsy Spider” trying to get his fingers to work again
3. One word: Whined
4. Spent days, and days, and days trying to figure out why his mom married a walking toaster.
5. Played “Ding, Dong, Ditch” with doorways on […]

November 15, 2005 | Filed Under Geek | Share your thoughts... 

14 Reasons To Allow Drinking At Work

1. It’s an incentive to show up.
2. It reduces stress
3. It leads to more honest communications.
4. It reduces complaints about low pay.
5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
7. It helps save on heating costs in the […]

November 14, 2005 | Filed Under Work, Drinking | Share your thoughts... 

Witticisms

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
If you smoke after sex, you’re doing it too fast.
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
Good girls get fat, bad girls get eaten.
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
Born free… […]

November 13, 2005 | Filed Under Dirty Jokes | Share your thoughts... 

Top Ten Signs Your Spouse May Be Having An On-Line Affair

10. Lately she sits at the computer naked.
9. After signing off, he always has a cigarette.
8. The giant rubber inflatable disk drive.
7. In the morning, the computer screen is all fogged up.
6. He’s gotten amazingly good at typing with one hand.
5. She makes sarcastic remarks about your “software”.
4. Lipstick on the mouse.
3. During sex, she […]

November 12, 2005 | Filed Under Top 10 | Share your thoughts... 

Thoughts

1. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
2. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide is that considered a hostage situation?
3. Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn’t live there.
4. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
5. […]

November 11, 2005 | Filed Under Uncategorized | Share your thoughts... 

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