Top Ten Ways Michael Jackson Would Be Cooler if He Lived in the Star Wars Universe
1. Due to high loss-of-hand rate, wearing one glove is fashionably acceptable
2. Would not have needed huge effects budget for ‘Captain EO’
3. In shocking revelation, he might have really been the father of Billie Jean’s son
4. Could really walk on moons
5. After skin-altering disease, could become Light Lord of the Sith
6. Could ease tensions between […]
What Men Should Never Say After Sex
1) “I was kidding about being sterile, you know.”
2) “Do you always fart like that when someone shoves it in?”
3) “How come it’s so BIG in there?”
4) “You’ve done this with a lotta guys before—right?”
5) “Next time I come over, don’t bother with the underwear, OK?”
6) (Sniff, sniff) “Is that CAT food?”
7) (Yelling) “OK guys, […]
Things To Ponder
Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
If people from Poland are called “Poles,” why aren’t people from Holland called “Holes?”
“I am” is […]
The 10 Most Important People in a Woman’s Life
1. The doctor because he says, “Take off your clothes”
2. The dentist because he says, “Open Wide”
3. The hairdresser because he says, “Do you want it teased or blown”
4. The milkman because he says, “Do you want it in the front or in back?”
5. The Interior Decorator because he says, “Once you have it all […]
New Answering Service Installed at Mental Health Institutes
“Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If […]
Things You’ll Never Hear Yoda Say
What expect you from someone 900 years old? English perfect???
Size matters not…hey, what are you laughing at?
Lift THAT ship?! You must be out of your mind
I cannot teach him. IQ of 30 has he. Hangs upside down in ice caves.
Duct Tape…the Force it is like. Both a light side and a dark side it has. […]
Sex and the Law
Most Middle Eastern countries recognize the following Islamic law: “After having sexual relations with a lamb, it is a mortal sin to eat its flesh.”
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
In Bahrain, a male […]
Kids Books You’ll Never See
“You Were an Accident”
“How to Dress Sexy for Grownups”
“Strangers Have the Best Candy”
“Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her”
“Bi-Curious George”
“The Little Sissy Who Snitched”
“Some Kittens Can Fly!”
“Getting More Chocolate on Your Face”
“Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?”
“Daddy Drinks Because You Cry”
“Where Would You Like to Be Buried?”
“The Attention Deficit […]
Ten Things Not To Say To Your New Girlfriend’s Parents
1. My parole officer thinks Sara has a calming effect on me.
2. Did you see that saucer that flew over town yesterday?
3. Which one of you taught Sara to give such great head?
4. Can you believe it! Those shitheads at the corner market won’t cash my welfare check!
5. We’re going to keep our relationship quiet […]
22 Things To Never Say To A Cop
1. I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.
3. Aren’t you that guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must have been doin’ at least 120 mph to keep up with me…Good job!
5. Excuse me…is stick up hyphenated?
6. I thought you had […]
-
Search
-
Subscribe
Archives
- December 2007
- November 2007
- October 2007
- July 2007
- June 2007
- January 2007
- November 2006
- October 2006
- September 2006
- August 2006
- July 2006
- June 2006
- May 2006
- April 2006
- March 2006
- February 2006
- January 2006
- December 2005
- November 2005
- October 2005
- September 2005
- August 2005
- July 2005
- June 2005
- May 2005
- April 2005
- March 2005
- February 2005
- January 2005
- December 2004
-
Bowel Irritable Sourcebook Syndrome
Coconut Oil Hypothyroidism
Breast Enhancement Francisco San
Shelby Montana
Brudklänningar Brudklänning
