Female to Male Translation

What a woman says:
“This place is a mess! C’mon,
you and I need to clean up,
Your stuff is lying on the floor
and you’ll have no clothes to wear,
if we don’t do laundry right now!?”
What a man hears:
blah, blah, blah, blah, C’MON
blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, blah, […]

October 21, 2005 | Filed Under Men, Women | Share your thoughts...

Final Confession

When Nuns are admitted to Heaven they go through a special gate and are expected to make one last confession before they become angels.

Several nuns are lined up at this gate waiting to be absolved of their last sins before they are made holy.
“And so,” says St. Peter, “have you ever had any contact with […]

October 20, 2005 | Filed Under Religious | Share your thoughts...

Why Star Wars Is Better Than Titanic

Titanic’s big, but it doesn’t have hyperdrive.
Star Wars has WAY cooler action figure potential.
Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.

Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedimaterial; Rose is just marriage bait.
Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.
When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge can’t […]

October 19, 2005 | Filed Under Geek | Share your thoughts...

Firm THIS Up

One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on the butt and said, “If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose.” While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent.
The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch […]

October 18, 2005 | Filed Under Dirty Jokes, Married | Share your thoughts...

Ford vs. God

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Ford, “Well, you’ve been such a good guy and your invention-the assembly line for the automobile-changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven.”
Ford thinks about it and says, “I wanna hang out with […]

October 17, 2005 | Filed Under Dirty Jokes, Religious | Share your thoughts...

Friar Joke

The friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went […]

October 16, 2005 | Filed Under Religious | Share your thoughts...

Funeral Plans

Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes. The first man said, “My Benny loved to fly, so I’m going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in […]

October 15, 2005 | Filed Under Dirty Jokes | Share your thoughts...

Top Ten Failed Force Powers

10. X-Ray vision: for checking out what the other gender jedi were hiding under their robes. Banned by Yoda (something to do with small-man’s complex).
9. Super-Complaino-Power: the ability to complain one’s way out of any tough situation (see Luke Skywalker)
8. Insect Repellant: ability to generate an insect repelling force field
7. Rejection Perception: ability to see […]

October 14, 2005 | Filed Under Geek, Top 10 | Share your thoughts...

I’ll Drink To That

A guy walks into a bar with his girlfriend. A very drunk man in the bar looks at the girl and says loudly, “If you were my woman, I would lick you from top to bottom like a lollipop.” The boyfriend is angered and starts to get up to kick the drunken guy’s ass. The […]

October 13, 2005 | Filed Under Dirty Jokes, Drinking | Share your thoughts...

Did you know…

Single women don’t fart……
Because they don’t have assholes until they get married?