The Top Ten Signs That You’re Being Stalked By A Leprechaun

Generic-looking green van parked across the street with Notre Dame bumper sticker.
Every time you turn around the pitter-pattering stops and that green fire hydrant seems to have gotten a little closer.
Green lipstick marks on the butt of your Dockers.

You’re being followed by a large woman with a sultry voice and a dying career. (Oops! That’s […]

October 31, 2005 | Filed Under Top 10 | Share your thoughts... 

Ben & Jerry’s New Presidential Flavors

Slick Willie
Double Nut Joy
Subpoenas ‘n’ Cream
Impeach-Mint
Candy Pants
Chocolate Chip Doughboy
Chilly Hillbilly
Draft-Dodging Pot-Smoking Intern-Nailing Raspberry Swirl Vanilla

Pantsachio Subpoena Colada
Biscuits ‘n’ Gravy
Horny Bubba Crunch
Arkansas Peach
Subpoena Butter Cup
Peppermint Fattie
Captain Cream
Tubby Bubba
Hillary Chiller
Fundraising Coffee
Oval Office Surprise
Arkansas Smoothie
Hyperactive Nuts
Scandalberry

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October 30, 2005 | Filed Under Dirty Jokes | Share your thoughts... 

Men are like…

….Placemats
They only show up when there’s food on the table.
…..Mascara
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

….Bike Helmets
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly
…Parking spots
The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.
…Copiers
You need them for reproduction, but that’s about it.
…..Lava Lamps
Fun to look at, but not all that […]

October 29, 2005 | Filed Under Men | Share your thoughts... 

Pick-Up Lines

1.  I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
2.  Can I borrow a quarter? [”What for?”] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams.
OR:
I want to call your mother and thank her.
3.  Is your daddy a thief? [”No.”] Then how did he steal […]

October 28, 2005 | Filed Under Dirty Jokes, Dating | Share your thoughts... 

Personal Mottos

A hard-on doesn’t count as personal growth.
Do I look like a fucking people person?
This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
I started out with nothing…and I still have most of it left.
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
And just how may I fuck you over […]

October 27, 2005 | Filed Under Uncategorized | Share your thoughts... 

Twenty Reasons Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex

1) You can GET chocolate.
2) “If you love me you’ll swallow that” has real meaning with chocolate.
3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6) You can have chocolate even in front of your […]

October 26, 2005 | Filed Under Dirty Jokes | Share your thoughts... 

What Men Really Mean

“It’s a guy thing.”
Really means….”There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”
“Can I help with dinner?”
Really means….”Why isn’t it already on the table?”
“Uh huh,” “Sure, honey,” or “Yes, dear.”
Really means….Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.
“It would take too long to explain.”
Really means…”I have […]

October 25, 2005 | Filed Under Men | Share your thoughts... 

Farmer’s Divorce

A farmer walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, “May I help you?”
The farmer said, “Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces.”
The attorney said, “Well do you have any grounds?”
The farmer said, “Yea, I got about 140 acres.” The attorney said, “No, you don’t understand, do […]

October 24, 2005 | Filed Under Farmer Jokes, Marriage, Divorce | Share your thoughts... 

The Top 12 Pick-Up Lines Used by Star Wars Fans

12. “Hey, Beautiful. What’s a nice girl like you doing waiting in line without bathing for 10 days?”
11. “Your place or my Mom’s?”
10 “I… uh… ummm… I… uh… (slaps own forehead) Stupid! STOO-pid!”
9. “You’re even prettier than my fantasy girlfriend.”
8. “I may look like an Ewok, but I’m all Wookie where it counts, baby.”
7. “Date, […]

October 23, 2005 | Filed Under Geek, Top 10 | Share your thoughts... 

Father and Son

A man and his young son are in the drugstore when the son comes across the condoms and asks his father what they are. The dad replies, “Well son, those are condoms and they’re for protection when you’re having sex.”  The son then picks up one of the packs and asks why it has three […]

October 22, 2005 | Filed Under Dirty Jokes, Marriage, Parents and Kids | Share your thoughts... 

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