Blonde And The Alligator
A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar and turned to the astonished patrons. “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside.Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He’ll then open his […]
Translating Hebrew
A team of archaeologists were excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols, in this order of appearance: A woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a Star of David. They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were […]
Triplets
A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a masked robber runs out the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it’s too risky to operate. All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter […]
Unfaithful Wife
A husband suspects his wife is having an affair. He needs to go on a business trip for several days, so he decides to set a trap for her. He puts a bowl of milk under the bed. From the bed springs, he suspends a spoon. He has it calibrated so that her weight on […]
Unhappy Birthday
Two weeks ago, was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn’t feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went into breakfast, knowing my wife would be pleasant and say “Happy Birthday,” and probably have a present for me. She didn’t even say “Good Morning,” let alone any “Happy Birthday.” I thought, “Well, that’s wives for you. […]
And God Made Man
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve called out to God…”Lord, I have a problem!”
“What’s the problem, Eve?”
“Lord, I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just not happy.”
“Why is that, Eve?” came the reply from above.
“Lord, I […]
Unheavenly Blessed
Three nuns were talking. The first nun said “I was cleaning the Fathers room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines”
“What did you do?” the other nuns asked.
“Well, of course I threw them in the trash”
The second nun said, ” Well, I can top that. I was […]
Christmas Gifts
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart’s birthday and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic but not too personal Accompanied by his sweetheart’s younger sister, he went to Nordstrom’s and bought a pair […]
Beware Of Voices
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying his situation, he says quietly to himself, “I’m screwed.” There is a ray of light from the sky and a voice booms out: “No you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone in front of you and […]
“You’re single aren’t you?”
A woman walks into a supermarket and buys:
1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single serving frozen dinner
1 can of Soup For One
1 16oz can of Miller Lite
The guy at the checkout looks at her and says, “Single, are you?”
The woman smiles sweetly and […]
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Impotence Prostate
Kuwait Calling Cards
Hoodia Gordonii
Vinegar For Nail Fungus Treatment
Easy Student Loan Consolidation
