Gorilla Headache
It’s a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She’s wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape.
He jumps up on the bars, holding on with […]
Upgrading Bill Gate’s Hell
“Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call. I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows ‘95. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. I’m going to […]
Blonde Jigsaw Puzzle
John gets a call from his very blonde girlfriend Buffy.
“I’ve got a problem,” says Buffy.
“What’s the matter?” asks John.
“Well, I bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it’s too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can’t find any edges.”
“What’s the picture of?” asks John.
“It’s of a big rooster,” replies Buffy.
“All right,” says John. “I’ll […]
Blonde Interpreter
Two tourists were driving through Louisiana.
As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce […]
Headache
A guy has been suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he’s referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies. “I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and….” He […]
Little Boy’s Extortion
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet.
One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well. Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?”
“Yes it is,” […]
Rabbi And Priest Car Accident
A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it’s a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest’s collar and says, “So you’re a priest. I’m a rabbi. Just look at our cars. […]
Clinton Meets New Interns
Two new young interns are hired in the White House. They are walking down the hall when President Clinton sees them. The President walks up and says, “Gee, I’ve never come across your faces before.”
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Red Ring Around Clinton’s Collar
While undressing for bed one night, good ole Bill notices something like a red rash around his you know what. Alarmed, he thinks, “I can’t let Hillary see this!” He makes an appointment to see his doctor at Bethesda Naval Hospital, the very next day. “Doc,” he says, “I’ve got this red ring around my, […]
Heaven or Hell?
This woman dies and goes to heaven. While waiting in line, she hears this terrible screaming and moaning. This disturbs her somewhat, so she tracks down St. Peter to find out what is going on. “Oh, that,” he says, “that’s just the woman in front of you. They are drilling holes in her back to […]
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